I’m a security guard bro!

I recently opened a checking account with PNC Bank.  As with most online registrations today, there are a series of security questions to choose from.  Usually these questions are relatively simple and don’t require you to take copious notes; as you just know the info by heart.

PNC, however, has decided to take the security question game to a whole new level.  Here, I will share some of my favorite options.

What was your favorite toy when you were a child?
Huh?  I don’t even remember how old I am without being given 3 minutes to consider it.  NOBODY knows the answer to this stupid question.

What is the first and last name of your most memorable childhood babysitter/caregiver?
First of all, could you make the question any longer and stuffed with syllables?  Secondly, what the hell?  My parents probably don’t know the answer to this.

What was the first and last name of your first roommate during college?
Again with the first AND last names.  Girls probably know strange details like their roomie’s last name. Not me.  I had three roommates freshman year.  Why don’t they make it easier and ask this about the person sitting 4 rows from the front, 3 seats from the right in my first year of Geometry. I would fail this question EVERY SINGLE TIME.

What was the TV series you liked most as a child?
This should be ‘What was A TV series that you HAVE SEEN as a child?’  I mean, really, how can you choose between Thundercats, GI Joe and Punky Brewster?  This is worse than the SAT’s.

What were your wedding colors?
WHAT!?  Are you !*&#% kidding me!

On what street was the first address you lived in outside your parents’ home?
Here, let me add some more to this one in order to clarify.  “…outside your parents’ home during the summer solstice that occurred on the 3^rd day of the 7^th month of Year Theodus in the Tasmanian Orthodox calendar?”  I bet PNC had a special committee formed just to come up with these questions.

What was your favorite place to visit as a child?
Hmm, I’m stuck between the toilet, the refrigerator and the terrifying closet with a Woodrow Wilson poster in our basement.

What was your favorite book as a child?
Really?  Really?

I know nothing about hacking and identity theft.  But I bet when Neo found Morpheus in The Matrix, he didn’t care if the security questions were ‘My name is Fred’ or one of the ludicrous examples above.  But I was wrong once.

Bottom line – these questions are OUT of line.  I already chose a security image that looks like a cake made of hot dogs and named it Sausage Fingers.  No way that shit is getting hacked.

photo credit: Thomas Hawk via photopin cc