Urinals in public restrooms are an endless source of entertainment with stories shared amongst friends and family alike. Here are some of my favorites.
I first encountered the Trough in Munich, Germany during Oktoberfest. Just like it sounds, you go tinkle into a giant metal basin that stretches the length of the wall. In this case, it was a big f’ing wall as you can imagine the amount of beer being released.
Aside from the fact that there are NO privacy walls which ensures lots of awkward elbow touching and straight-ahead-staring, you’ve got the flow of piss. As my cousin pointed out, unless you’re at the top of the trough (it slopes downward to avoid stagnation) you end up watching everyone else’s urine flow beneath YOUR pecker as you drain the dragon. Glorious.
This would be that guy. The one who stands 16 feet away from the urinal. Is he practicing his aiming skills? No. He’s showing off his 3 foot schlong. He may be so bold as to glance at you sideways, with a smirk on his face. You can read his thoughts – “Go ahead pal, have a look. YEAH, you wish.” Forgetting the fact that he’s pissing all over the floor and wall, you can’t help but be amazed at the bratwurst hanging from his pelvis. This guy is rare but once you see him, you can’t stop shaking your head in amazement.
The Nervous Nellie
Also known as Mr. Stage Fright, he would be the antithesis of the big swinging dick (literally) above. This guy is practically buried in the urinal. Shirt and pants pressed against the edge of the ceramic, which is of course speckled with piss and pubic hair – I just vomited in my mouth. What’s the deal with this guy? Is his wang so small as to elicit laughter from all passer-bys? He must have good reason to touch the urinal with his ENTIRE body. Because if that happened to me, I’d strip to my underwears on the spot and drive home with NOTHING on. Gross.
The Bareback Bonedancer
Usually this guy is in the senior citizen category as I’ve never seen it displayed by anyone under the age of 134. This approach is so startling and hilarious, it becomes difficult to not piss your pants with laughter before reaching the urinal. The only way to describe it is – belt COMPLETELY undone and trousers around the ankles. I’ve seen it both ways on the undies – keeping the ankles warm or just hanging on the knobbled knee. Either way, this visual is LUDICROUS.
Ahh, Mr. Important. He stands in the urinal either holding his phone or talking in the Bluetooth. It’s probably to show off that he’s the ONLY person with this hi-tech gadgetry – “Look at me, I’ve got a CELL PHONE!” He likely is discussing his favorite topping for veggie burgers or some other manly pastime. Whatever the case, this guy is a grade A CLOWN. Next time you see him, ask how he became so privileged as to hold a conversation with a tiny plastic gizmo hanging from his ear.
That’s all I can think of. Know of any other urinal stories? Be sure to let us know all about them!