Lions and Tablets and Buttercream…Oh My

This was a good birthday year for yours truly.  Between lions and bears, fancy touch screen gadgetry and buttery cookies; I couldn’t have asked for more. And the strange thing is, when asked what I’d like for my berfday, I couldn’t give an answer because I had no idea.  But eerily, I got exactly what I wanted.

The Zoo

Polar BearAll 3 baby baboons, 1 human parent (female) and 1 parent, actual-baboon (male), went to the Detroit Zoo on my birthday along with a human grandparent.  It was just shy of 60 degrees and sunny with a limited number of zoo-goers, perfect.   With the twins locked in their stroller, for safety, Milan was on the loose.  Highlights include:

  • Milan presenting a lump of peacock shit, bare-handed, to me as some kind of parenting trophy
  • Coming upon a beast that looked like a whitetail deer but was the size of a water buffalo and being told by Howard, the grandparent, that “No, that’s just a regular ol’ deer, they get that big.”
  • Watching the polar bear eat a human who thought it would be funny to poke the white mammal with a fork

I love the zoo and the Detroit Zoo, in particular, is pretty spectacular.  Go there.


Microsoft SurfaceSarah’s mother, Sue, was born 4 days before myself.  At her birthday dinner, Sarah presented Sue and I with an identical gift.  She proclaimed that we must open our boxes at exactly the same time lest we turn into pumpkins.  Sue and I looked at each other uncomfortably, both surely wondering what it could be.

Jabbering Milan tore the paper off my present, tiny Maren choked herself on the ribbon and brick-shaped Hendrick smeared yogurt in his hair. In the midst of this lunacy, I saw the corner of a Microsoft Surface box and joined the madness by soiling myself.  This tablet is pretty much the shit.  It’s got a built in keyboard cover and it mirrors my PC’s desktop.  PLUS it has access to the internet which I don’t believe is available on any competitor machine.  What else is there to say?


CookiesZoo with my family, super duper tablet – what else could I want you might say?  Well, Sarah had been understandably very excited about the surprise she had in store and told me as much.  She had asked me “Can you guess what it is?!” My hopeful response was “Cookies?!” “NO!” she exclaimed, “not cookies!”  Oh well, I thought dejectedly, I’m sure it’ll be as good as cookies.

So, when a box arrived on my name day with “Cookie Bouquet” printed in the return address, you can imagine my excitement.  I hastily wiped the froth from my mouth and tore open the box.  Inside I discovered a dozen buttery, soft baked cookies from the parental units – Linda and Richard.  Pumpkin Buttercream, Peanut Butter, Choco Chip and more.  EXCELLENT.

Happy Birthday indeed.

It’s A Zoo Out There


I went to the Detroit Zoo a while ago with my lovely wife and daughter.  I have to say, this is an exceptional zoo.  The Arctic exhibit is excellent; with tunnels that go under water so you can see the polar bears, ahem, from underneath.  On our visit, we got seals which were neat.  But I think the exhibit would be more exciting if they mixed the 2.

Though the caged animals were interesting, the real show came from my fellow zoo patrons.  I’m no Schwarzenegger but MY GOD, have you gotten a load of the average American lately?  I don’t think tank tops and spandex capris were invented for bodies measuring 5′ 4″, 250 pounds but call me crazy.

To make matters better, these uncaged humans can talk.  While we observed the wild ape exhibit, their evolved adult counterparts joined us at the fence with this tremendous insight for their progeny.

“You see them ditches?  They for the monkeys, so they can’t get out.”

We are doomed.

There was one major upside from our adventure, we came up with the next hit reality show – sit on the zoo benches, I’m sure any zoo will do, with hidden cameras recording our fellow man.  Maybe release a tiger here and there to spice it up.  But I’m confident the commentary we could produce during this epic people watching excursion would be more than enough.  If Discovery can do a show called Naked and Afraid,  why not? You saw it here first.

photo credit: ucumari via photopin cc